Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash
I’m sure there must be one woman out there who doesn’t, at least periodically, compare herself to other women unfavorably, but I haven’t found her yet. The fact is that we are constantly bombarded by advertising and media images that cause us to weigh ourselves against some external standard of what is considered beautiful. It’s not a healthy habit. So I want to encourage you to take a moment to find something about yourself that you consider beautiful.
Is it Superficial?
Now, there’s probably a fine line between appreciating a part of our body or features and fostering a sense of narcissism. But considering how often I hear women degrading themselves, I think the risk is minimal.
Confucius said: “Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it.” Often the person who sees it last is you. So making the effort to see beauty in yourself can actually make you less narcissistic. Psychologists say that true narcissists are deeply insecure. When you are able to appreciate something about yourself you build inner confidence. You become more emotionally secure. You don’t feel desperate or anxious, or feel that you have to prove something every time you step our the door, enter a zoom meeting, or meet new people.
What is Beauty?
Dame Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey
When we think about the “beautiful” people we have tendency to look to celebrities. That’s likely because they are so much a part of what we see in print advertising and the media. They often have symmetrical faces. In fact, they often have similar faces and similar bone structure. Swap out eye color or hair texture and they often look alike. Since I celebrate the differences in each of us I find all that symmetry and similarity a tad – what – unexciting?
Some of the women I consider to be beautiful have a feature that is less than “perfect.” For example, British Actress Emma Thompson has what in the US are considered “imperfect teeth.” Tina Fey has a long scar near her chin. Angelica Huston has exaggeratedly high eyebrows, and never had a nose job. Maggie Smith proudly displays all her wrinkles and we adore her for it.
Where to Look for It
Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels
So, besides the typical parts we tend to focus on, like eyes, mouth, hair, hair color, or body, what might be some things you just didn’t think of that might contribute to your beauty? Maybe you will start to notice and appreciate the delicacy of your hands, or the way you use them when you speak. Someone may have told you that the timbre and quality of your voice is appealing. Possibly the way you walk, your gait, suggests a person who is confident, or energized or joyful. Or maybe you have a delightful – or lusty – laugh!
Once you identify that quality or that feature, build on it. Can you think of anything else about yourself that you rather like or that you have been told is attractive? And then, notice your imperfections and consider that there could be something rather charming about them. Recognizing them and not hiding them is very disarming to people. It’s often the very thing that makes you very appealing.
Expression Is Everything
I was recently discussing aging with a dear friend over FaceTime who is also in her 70s. We both agreed that animation in a face is what makes a person beautiful. Now, some people may have more of a sense of repose in their expression and others may appear more animated. (High Spirited types typically have a lot of mobility in their faces.)
But regardless of the specific ways that they speak or dress or act, what ultimately comes through is their life force. And the most powerful type of life force is love. When my mother was in her 90’s her grandson and his wife brought their toddler to see her at the skilled nursing facility where she resided. She was so overjoyed that she wept. She had wrinkles, was mostly bedridden, wore no makeup, and had probably worn the same clothes that she slept in, maybe for days. But that child saw love. He understood that what she expressed was love.
When we engage with others lovingly we become beautiful in their eyes.
Stay beautiful…because you are. 
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